I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
