Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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