i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
