24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
