Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Randomize
