I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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