i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
