new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
