i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
