Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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