Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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