So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I puked a lego.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
