I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
