I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
