A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
