No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
