i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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