You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
