how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
