I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
