i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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