dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
