let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
