i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can you repeat that, but with context?
did i just pee glitter
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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