Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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