i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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