well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
