Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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