Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
vagina is talking i cant
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
