somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
