called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
