Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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