Only a mothe r could love this liver
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
