Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
