Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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