i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
