with your own penis?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
