I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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