i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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