Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
