By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
