If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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