On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
