you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
