Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
