I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
