Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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