There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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