i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
