paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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